Ephesians 2

...by grace you have been saved....
...by grace you have been saved through faith....

he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through Him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.


I kind of wonder why Paul amended that first thought. Why just a few phrases later he adds the final clause..."through faith" -
God's grace is available to all - it's saving Grace...Jesus' act on the cross saved EVERYONE...
but are you truly saved until you believe? are you not saved until you have that faith in God's actions??

Just as I sat down to look at this chapter I had a thought run through my head. I found myself asking, why...if God is so accessible, so near all the time...why, more often than not, do I feel so distant...why does God seem absent???
and then I read this passage about equal access to God the Father through God the Spirit...and I'm wondering if this answers my question.
I remember at the first church camp I ever worked at, there was a carved piece of wood just over the door into the kitchen... I don't remember the exact words, but it pretty much summed up the idea...if God feels far away...it's not because He moved...

So, what do I have to do to feel closer to God??
I go to church...fairly regularly (granted since I've been out of full-time ministry it hasn't been an every week ordeal for me...)
I maintain an attitude of worship and/or prayer fairly consistently...
I admit, my daily Bible reading is a little sparse...okay...up until last week I didn't have a set routine at all...

As I'm sending out resumes to churches, looking for work...I keep reminding myself of the things I've talked about with advisers and mentors over the past year.
One thing that has been hammered into my head is making it a daily habit of spending some time in quiet, with God - one-on-one. It not only offers me time for myself to think and grow as a Christian...but will help keep my head in the game...
So, that's what I'm working on.

I'm not sure why I chose Ephesians as the book to get me back in the game...
and honestly...I kind of feel like reading the Bible is almost like a good luck charm or something...superstitious or something...thinking, if I do this...maybe I'll get a job - like if my minds right...things will fall into place.
And - I have to pull myself back...because...God's NOT a good luck charm.
The cross I wear around my neck is not a rabbit's foot to be rubbed...it's not a four-leaf clover...

It's a symbol of the Truth I hold onto...the fact that God's love trumps everything in my life...

So...where does this leave me...

I want my relationship with God to feel real. I want my relationship to be more than just the hour a week I spend at church, or the two hour commute in my car listening to worship music...
I want to FEEL something...
I remember writing a blog a couple years ago about the feeling I used to get on Easter morning...a feeling that everything is different because of what Jesus did on the cross....
and the feeling I'd get at Christmas...a childish sense that everything is perfect...special...and new
It's been a while since I've had that feeling...that shiver up my spine...that childish sense of wonder and awe...
I want to regain that feeling...that feeling of Easter and Christmas morning...that the world's new...the world's different...special somehow...

It's been too long!