3-hour thinkfest

There's a reason I love long drives - the three-hour drive I made to Lancaster, OH today is no exception - driving gives me time - time to think, time to pray, time to worship, time to just be...
and it's wonderful.

So I'm driving - and it's not until I'm back in northern Kentucky (just after 10pm) that I'm struck by a flood of thoughts...emotions...i can't really explain it. It's one of those moments that...I'm listening to a song - I've heard it a thousand times before - and suddenly...it all hits home...it all makes sense. The words sink in and grab hold...and something in me stirs....something in me changes.

Tonight - as I'm curving my way back home listening to Starfield's "Beauty in the Broken" album, the song "Captivate" comes on... and it happens.
Suddenly, the words from my pastor this past weekend mean something more...suddenly the passage in Isaiah from which he preached means more...suddenly EVERYTHING means more.

Isaiah 6: 1-8

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:
"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!"
And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke. And I said: "Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"
Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having in his hand a burning coal that he had taken with tongs from the altar. And he touched my mouth and sad: "Behold, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away, and your sin atoned for."
And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here am I! Send me."

At church Saturday night, the pastor took this passage - tore it apart - and talked about how people walk into church and never really expect to meet God. They don't expect a face-to-face meeting like Isaiah had in the temple...
and he raised the question... What would happen...what would change if we walked into church expecting a REAL encounter with God? Would our worship change? Would we change?

So, I'm listening to Starfield and the words just bring all this back up -
I begin questioning so many things!
- what's pulling me away from true worship?
- why can't I give more in worship?
- why can't I experience God the way Isaiah did?
- why can't I FEEL what I believe?

And it's not like the answers really came - it's not like I was flooded with overwhelming certainty - or step-by-step instructions on how to experience God...
but I came to an understanding...

Last week I watched an episode of Faith and Fame on the Gospel Music Channel (It's all Gospel) - and the show featured a profile on Jeremy Camp's life and calling into music ministry. As I've seen Jeremy in concert several times - his testimony wasn't really a surprise -
what did surprise me...and what nearly drew me to tears was the story that followed his testimony of how he dealt with the death of his first wife.
They'd just gotten back from their honeymoon and discovered that her cancer had returned and there was no way to treat it. The day she died - Jeremy and his family sang praises to Jesus - rejoiced in the fact that God is so Good - that his wife was with Jesus...and they could still celebrate the fact that Jesus is God's Son...God's gift to us...
because despite the circumstances we face - God is still worthy of all our praise.

And it's a hard concept to grasp - the idea that despite everything...they could raise their hands in worship and really...REALLY praise God!

I think it gave me a picture of what true worship is...
the ability to raise your hands toward Heaven...to close your eyes and just basque in the glory of God!!

I know most days I walk into church...I've got a thousand things on my mind...
and really...I'm lucky to really give 75% of myself in worship....that might even be generous
I sometimes close my eyes....
I never raise my hands in worship.


When Jeremy Camp recounted the story of his wife's death and his family worshipping in the hospital waiting room...he talked about how he couldn't raise his hands in worship. He could barely stand...
but his dad talked about the freedom of letting go - of giving to God everything...
and so he raised his hands in worship - and he said the feeling was like none other...the weight just lifted...

If I really gave my all in worship...would it be like Isaiah coming face-to-face with God in the temple?
Can I really expect to meet God when I'm unwilling/unable to give my all to him?
Does giving my all = raising my hands in worship? - I think it does...especially when it's self-consciousness that hold me back...

Isaiah knew he was a broken man...and it wasn't until he admitted that...it wasn't until he claimed his weaknesses that God could really use him.


All of this spilled out of my heart tonight...driving home - 60 mph on the 2-lane highway from Cincinnati on US-27 South. And the song became my prayer...on repeat for an hour...my prayer to God that I could let go...that the Spirit would grab hold...and I'd experience the freedom of coming face-to-face with God the Father!

Captivate

Starfield

You say strength is found in weakness
Peace in incompleteness
So why do I hold on?

You look for a heart that's open
For beauty in the broken
So why am I withdrawn?

My soul's screaming out
To be found in You

Spirit draw me to my knees
Captivate all of me, all of me
Here before you honestly
Captivate all of me, all of me

I'm so messy and distracted
Undisciplined and tactless
Here on the inside
I thought age would tell the secrets
but the secrets are still secret
and the years are passing by

My soul's screaming out
To be found in You

Spirit draw me to my knees
Captivate all of me, all of me
Here before You honestly
Captivate all of me, all of me

Teach me to wait
In the moments of my need

Teach me to hear
the melodies of peace