What if I'm not what they think?

I've been thinking about something a friend of mine told me last week -
It all started when we were talking about writing, and what it means to be a Christian writer/reader. There are some things we read as literature students and sometimes find ourselves wondering if it's something we really should be reading. Or sometimes we end up writing something - we start developing characters - and we wonder if we should really go any further with them.

I wrote a story this last semester - not something new for me...really. The character started out as a drug addict waking up in a girl's apartment with memory of who she was or how he got there. I started second guessing myself as a Christian - wondering if it was really something I should delve into (one, not really knowing the lifestyle and two, exposing myself to some not-so-Christ-like-things). I ended up changing the character a little...instead of being an actual drug addict - he "faked" it. And while he woke up in the girl's apartment - he had driven her home as her savior...
Ultimately I liked where the character went n the story...I like that he was more of the stand-up guy...especially being that he was an undercover cop....

All this to say...
we got into the discussion about what we expose our minds to....and it lead to a discussion of how writing in a Christian college - trying to develop characters truthfully is hard. Especially when you have professors limiting you to what she wants in a story. Granted there was only one rule - NO BLASPHEMY!!
I can live with that...
But...in the same story mentioned above...I have my character exclaiming on several occasions..."Oh my God!"
Or in other stories...teenage girls "Oh my GAWD!!!!"...
You get the point.
Try having a professor scratch that out and in big letters write - My Big No! No! No Blasphemy! (Which gets us talking more about what is it okay to write...is it okay to cuss in a story if the character would? What does that say about me as a writer??)

But ultimately this all leads my friend and me into the discussion of - is it blasphemy or is it taking the Lord's name in vain (which is what I've always been told it is.)
I've always thought blasphemy is denouncing Christ as the Son of God - rejecting the Holy Spirit...

Now, I've come to consider my friend to be quite educated and knowledgeable - more so than I am about Greek and what Scripture REALLY says...as some meaning has gotten lost in translation...
I mean...all my life - I've NEVER been one to use God's name casually...I don't typically make exclamations using God's name...
it's just not what I do.
But my friend starts talking about her understanding about what it means to take the Lord's name in vain.

Basically, she says, it's taking God's name - saying you belong to God...and not living up to it. It's saying that your a Christian and not living like it. It's saying you're a child of God and not acting like one.

And for almost a week now, I've had to take a step back and think about everything I do....everything I say...
and man...I suck!!!
I mean...if I say I'm a Christian...if I say I belong to God...shouldn't I be acting like it? Shouldn't I make more time to read my Bible? Shouldn't I make more time for daily worship?

So, why don't I?

When it comes to all of the stuff I've talked about here - I'm not so sure writing a story about a drug addict is so bad - I mean, it doesn't make me a drug addict...
or writing a character who cusses isn't wrong...especially if it's a character that has some kind of moral turnaround...
it all serves a purpose...

But what I have to think about - with my writing...or even my reading...
Does what I write cause people to stumble in their walk with God?
Does what I'm reading cause me to grow closer are stray farther from God?

I'm not saying I'm turning my back on Literature...there's no way I could do that...
but I can be careful about what I choose to expose my mind and heart to.

As I've been done with school I haven't taken the time to write like I thought I would. I haven't done ANY writing.
I've read the final book and a half of Harry Potter. I've read the Twilight series. I've watched dozens of movies and hours of TV. I've had two job interviews and I have two follow-up interviews later this week.
There's obviously time in my day to offer God my undivided attention - to learn to put my thoughts and beliefs into action...

I guess what I'm trying to say is...
I've got these interviews...I'm telling people what I believe, where I stand with my faith...
so...why am I not doing something about...
what if I'm not the person I'm presenting...What if I'm not what they think?