true calling

Did a lot of thinking today - mostly about where I'm headed.
For months I've been thinking I'm not meant for full-time church ministry - yet it's exactly to full-time church ministry that I feel myself drawn.
I've sent out my first serious inquiry into a job in South Carolina. It's an associate position for high school ministry - which is exciting and intriguing.

See, all this time I've been thinking about full-time writing - writing for a magazine, or as of late, developing curriculum (Bible studies for youth ministry). And I get so excited thinking about writing - I get so excited thinking about what I want to do in developing curriculum based off Christian music...but I don't even know where to begin.
So - what's keeping me back from ministry? It's where all my skills lie - it's a passion I have - it's something I know (or think) I'm good at doing -
so what's keeping me from doing it while pursuing the writing thing?

I e-mailed my former senior pastor tonight, and spilled all of this out (word vomit) and in the process talked myself into it...or made myself see a bit more clearly (of God just clarified things for me).... and so... I'm officially on the hunt again - looking for the right ministry fit for me - a place where I can be the most used - and still grow in my faith!

I think mostly - as far as ministry is concerned my concerns (or fears) lie in the idea of true calling (which I have no doubt ministry is my calling). I'm worred, I guess, that I'll lose heart, that I'll fall into the ruts I fell into last time...
So, I guess it's all an intentional thing - making sure I maintain habits that are healthy for me physically, socially, and spiritually...
this time around, I know what to do - know the steps I need to take to make sure I'm at my best, so I can best minister to the teens with whom I work.

There's a peace I feel in this - a feeling of assurance -
it's the feeling I LOVE - in knowing I'm within God's will!